Benjamin Joseph Stokes

Ben was my middle child, he has left such a big hole in my life.
On the 23rd January 2005 at 6.00pm he left home to play 5-a-side football with his freinds at the local leisure centre.
From there he was going to see his girlfriend so didnt know what time he would be home.
He never came home.
I had just sent my youngest son, Zack aged 10 at the time, to have a shower and get ready for bed ready for school the next day.
The phone rang, 8.30pm Sunday night, I answered "hello", "is that Bens mum" the voice on the other end asked, a lady i didnt recorgnize, "yes, who is it?"
Then my life changed with just one phone call.........
"You need to get to the hospital, Bens had an ...........accident".
Nothing new there i thought the nights we'd spent in A'n'E after he'd bumped fell or broken something.
"Please be quick we think he's had a heart attack!"
BANG!!!!!
You wonder how people cope in these situations but i think you body just takes over your brain cause if you thought about it you would just - i dont know.
I shouted Zack to come downstairs, shouted at my husband, Tony, to get in the car, we took Zack to my parents just up the road i cant remember if we rang to say we were comeing or not.
We just dropped Zack off and said we will let you know whats happened.
The drive to the hospital seemed to go on forever, by the time we were halfway there i was hysterical screaming at Tony to go faster he was trying to calm me down.
I think i knew he'd gone, i just felt it.
When we got there they showed us into the room next to where they were "working on" Ben, all i could hear was one long beep instead of the beep beep beep that it should be.
A nurse came in and said they were doing every thing they could, but it didnt look good then went back in. A couple of minutes after she came back with another nurse and a doctor, how stupid i wanted to laugh it looked just like something out of casualty!
They sat down, all i heard was "sorry".
One month to the day before Ben's 18th birthday he had died, his heart had just stopped, no reason, no warning.
I think Tony rang my parents and told them, i just collapsed with the most awful migrane i have ever had in my life, they had to put me in a room and give me something to calm me down, i think i went to sleep with what they gave me.
We went back to my parents and sat for a while, Zack was asleep so we left him there. There was something i had to do, let his girlfriend know,the monday before they had came and told me she was pregnant, they were so happy now i had to go and tell her that her baby's daddy was dead. We went home and went to bed, i sat and watched the clock until about 7am when we thought it was safe to start ringing people.
The first person i rang was my daughter, Zoe, who was at uni in London. I cant remember what i said to her but she came straight home that day and stayed for about 6 weeks. She was very close to her brother there was only 17 months between them so they had been through school thgether a year apart. My parents bought Zack home in the morning, what could i say to him he'd lost his big brother, his mate, his partner in crime who taught him everything. All i could say was that Ben had been very poorly and the doctors couldnt do anything to save him and he had died.
He took it very well.
We had to wait 3 weeks before we could bury Ben so the coroner could find out what happened.
It was a hypatropic cardiomyopothy.
We buried him on 15th February 2005, he wore his new trainers, best jeans, England shirt, cardie that his girlfriend had bought him for christmas. I kept his jewlery that he wore but replaced it with a gold chain with 18 on it and a gold SON ring. Also Zoe had made sure he was dressed properly, jeans low with belt, and his famous Burberry cap that he was never without. We also gave him a small 18th birthday cake, Zack bought him a silver trophy with "worlds best brother" on and a poem. I wrote him a letter to read so did his girlfriend.
The house is so quiet without him, he was a real pain in the backside, if anyone was going to get into trouble it was Ben.
6 months after Ben died his daugher Taylor Mae was born. I didnt know weather to be happy or sad, he would have been so proud, so happy he had always loved babies. I love her so much and see her all the time, but i just wish she could have known her daddy.
I miss him so much, i have 2 other beautiful children and a wonderful grandaughter but there will always be a very large hole in my heart for my boy.
I would like to belive that one day we will be together again, until then i can just hope that if he can he will get in touch some how just to say hello!
Love you stinky
Mum.
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PLEASE LIGHT A CANDLE FOR BEN IF YOUR PASSING
THANK YOU